Tuesday, February 9, 2010
I have a situation that i can't make sense of. the more i try and figure it out, the more confused i become.
My girlfriend is in the Army reserves. I've been broke the last 2 years of our 5 year relationship consistently. needless to say love is relative to ease and benefit. its abundant when your an asset. its nonexistent when your just there.
no complaints, thats how love is.
but i share the dilemma with a friend whose child's mother is in the reserves with my Ebony.
And upon considering enlisting to solve money problems, we've been met with opposition.
Him more than me.
But this is about me.
I understand at this point that Ebony feels she might as well be alone since she's not getting anything from being with me. but the opposition to me joining to eliminate that only confuses me because it leaves room to speculate whether she wants the problem solved or just the problem(me) to go away?
kinda just feel like i can be tolerated but there is no desire for me anymore. if thats the case then its my fault. can't run from that or deny it or externalize it.
could be reading into it too. but when i hear not to do it because i'm only doing it for us, what i'm really hearing is:
"i'm passively trying to stop you because if you join your gonna be mad when i still don't want to be with you."
"Your only doing this to try and force me to be with you..."
Don't know what to make of it. But a decisive actions the only thing that will bring an answer to that.