Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Attachments (old blog)


Posted on 2009.02.27 at 13:42
Current Mood: contemplative
Tags: , , ,
i'm nervous about going back to school. i'm afraid i won't have fun. i have a poor attention span. and i need a social circle. i'm a social animal.

more accurately i feel i need to make friends. i have an attachment to ideals.

i want my life to exciting yet enlightening. i want adventure and all the other synonyms sold along with it. but i have things i need to let go of. i have a few things i need to at least loosen my grip on.

i have an attachment to failure.
failure in its own unique way is the most certain of outcomes because it takes less effort. success takes a concentrated,yet relentless self determination. i believe there are people in the world who're not happy because they cling to failure. to be so afraid your unwilling to try is no different.

i have an unhealthy attachment to Minnesota. the worlds a global village. I'm standing in the corner. I"m the wall flower at the party of life. i am scared for some reason to leave.

i had an epiphany one day, there is war going on just everywhere outside the U.S. theres so many global causes. theres so many things. war. genocide. disease. tyranny. corruption. etc.

the worlds not a bad place. just that i find the confrontation with completely different environments overwhelming, yet a social high.

i feel like i'm clinging to familiarity. i won't move.

my girlfriend wants to move badly. to the point i think its building up to a pivotal moment in our relationship. i'm indifferent at this point. not cause i don't care. i'm paralyzed with fear. i admit it. i don't know where to go. i think way too much. want to be in control of everything. every detail and outcome.

wanna limit how much spontaneity i am exposed to. i know i'm ridiculous.

but i don't wanna go to school in Minnesota anymore. this shit is boring. this state is too small. but i have to endure till i at least get my AA degree. thinking about Seattle. but i'm unsure. i want something new. i think i'll like it.

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